Aging concerns me…

This morning when I checked the date on my phone and noticed that it was already April 20th. I started questioning where the time has gone! I feel like just yesterday we were opening presents next to the tree. Then it hit me. I’ll be turning 35 years old in less than four months. This is another one of those inevitable milestones that I am dreading. When I turned thirty, I suffered a mini crisis. Well…maybe not so mini…It lasted six months. I cant even imagine what I’ll go through when I turn 40! But in all honesty, turning 35 doesn’t sound much better.

Me at 30 years old.

Me at 30 years old.

This is a topic that I am very uncomfortable with; the thought of aging. I don’t care about the number itself and all that it implies. I don’t mind all of the stereotypes that come with being in my mid-thirties. The only part that bothers me about aging is my physical appearance. Yes, I know. It’s rather shallow and vain of me. But I can’t help it!! I don’t want to wrinkle. I am terrified of wrinkling!!

Me at 31 years old.

Me at 31 years old.

For years, I have gone to great lengths to ensure that my aging process is slowed down as much as humanly possible. And when I say, great lengths I am NOT kidding! I’ve tried everything short of plastic surgery and botox. For example, 31 was the year that I finally quit smoking for once and for all. That was the year I started noticing changes in my appearance. I quickly became paranoid and starting changing things up.

Me at 32 years old.

Me at 32 years old.

If any of my co-workers are reading this, you’ll be happy to know that I am about to give you the full list of the copious amounts of antioxidants, minerals and vitamins that I have taken on a daily basis for years now. (They keep asking for it and I keep forgetting to take pictures of the labels.) Every morning,  before I eat breakfast, I drink collagen with hyaluronic acid. I eat a healthy breakfast 30 minutes later. I drink a black or red tea; both loaded with antioxidants.

Me at 33 years old.

Me at 33 years old.

Afterwards, I take krill oil, DHA, a 3 billion count pro-biotic, calcium, vitamin D, a multi-vitamin, liquid Q-10 and a half cup of organic whole leaf aloe juice. My favorite weekend treat is an original size Jamba juice acai, blueberry, raspberry, yellow vegetables juice, carrot, immunity, flax and fiber boost smoothie. I run 5k’s on a regular basis and practice yoga as much as I can. I avoid the sun as much as possible too but the truth is I love hanging out on the beach all day while enjoying some great company and some drinks.

Studies show that stress speeds up the aging process and I TRULY believe it. Thirty-two was a very rough year for me. Anything and everything that could have gone wrong, did. It took a toll on me emotionally and physically to the point where in March of 2012 I had been diagnosed with Lupus. The changes in me were becoming more noticeable. After my diagnosis, I ampped up my anti-aging obsession to a whole other level. I wanted to make sure I got as healthy as I possibly could. The doctor said I needed to significantly change my eating, drinking, sleeping and exercising habits. The more physically fit I became the less debilitating the sickness would be.

Me at 34 years old.

Me at 34 years old.

I heeded his advise. He made it abundantly clear that stress was going to be my worst enemy. I significantly cut back on the partying, drinking, poor eating habits, high-stress situations and toxic relationships. I made it a point to meditate, relax and sleep more. I changed my eating habits and started enjoying the quality of my life. Thankfully and miraculously, less than a year later, I went back for a routine check-up and the tests were inconclusive. I went back for another check-up after that and there were no signs of Lupus. It was inexplicable because Lupus is incurable. I firmly believe that it was thanks to my strict regime, perseverance and faith.

Now that the dreaded “L” word is out of the way, I am back to solely focusing on my efforts to not age!! In addition, I use all kinds of facial creams but I’ll leave that for another day on another post. ;) Thirty-five is soon approaching. What am to do?! Anyone have any good suggestions for looking young forever???

It is what it is…

Because I’m not one to dwell on things especially when there is little I can do about it; rather than waist an entire post on complaining about something I have no control over, I am going to share with you some of my favorite random travel moments. I hope it makes you smile a bit. I know it makes me smile!

Really going back here! Vienna. I was 15 and my sister was 2.

Really going way back here! Vienna. I was 15 and my sister was 2.

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London – I was the only one that didn’t get on this thing. Why play with fate?

DSC_0407 (3)

Me (on solid ground) waiting for the balloon to take off.

 

Key West (just a couple hours away from where I live) always serves as good quick getaway.

Key West (just a couple hours away from where I live) always serves as good quick getaway.

Our first trip to NYC. I had to borrow that coat. I hated it but it served it's purpose for the weekend. LOL

My little person’s first trip to NYC. I had to borrow that coat. I hated it but it served it’s purpose for the weekend. LOL

Thailand for an event. This picture is awkward. LOL! Ex co-workers.

Thailand for an event. This picture is awkward. LOL! Ex co-workers. (Wow, I was skinny there.)

Good times with my two best friends in Disney.

Good times with my two best friends in Disney. They’re hilarious and genuinely great people.

Out to dinner on a yacht in Paris with my little person and my sister. Love them.

Out to dinner on a yacht in Paris with my little person and my sister. Love them.

Inebriated or else I can't fly. Ha! Not sure what the purpose of the finger was.

Inebriated or else I can’t fly. Ha! Not sure what the purpose of the finger was.

Wailea Golf Course - Drunk as a skunk  ;-)

Wailea Golf Course – Drunk as a skunk. Good times. ;-)

Having some fun at an event in the Dominica Republic.

Having some fun at an event in the Dominican Republic. My really good friend Eddie holding up a drink. LOL!

Home away from home…

ImageThis is where all the magic happens! It’s my little sanctuary away from home. It’s my desk at work. As I’ve mentioned before, I love what I do. This little space helps me to focus and concentrate on the task at hand. There is lots to be said about loving your job. We spend anywhere between eight and ten hours a day (some of us even more) at our jobs on a daily basis.

Desk 2 Every morning I start my day with a hot cup of black tea with milk and a bowl of gluten-free Qia with slivered almonds, cranberries and fresh blueberries while I review the tasks list that I created the night before. I’ll then go over any emails that I didn’t have a chance to answer the night before or that morning from home. The rest of the day is usually pretty chaotic. I get interrupted quite a bit to look into unexpected issues throughout the office but it’s to be expected for what I do. It’s par for the course. I don’t mind it.

Desk 3

I swear this depicts me to the tee!

Several factors attribute to whether you can love and appreciate where you work and what you’re working towards. I genuinely admire and respect the people I work for and work with. I work in a very creative environment but what makes it so agreeable is that everyone works together for the purpose of the same goal and outcome. That eliminates the strain that comes with internal competition. Everyone has clearly defined roles. I think that significantly attributes to the uncompetitive atmosphere.

We all know what we need to do and what to do to get it done. When in doubt, there is an entire team to turn to that is readily and willing available to help. Obviously, not all is peachy, rosy and koombaya-ish at all times. There are days that can be quite challenging. Issues do arise. People do disagree and egos flare in the prospect of being wounded. It happens at my office as it does in every office in the world. You know you love your place of work if even after an argument has ensued that remains the one place where you ultimately want to be no matter what.

Desk 4

I borrowed this image from someone’s blog. I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it.

I’ve worked in a place before where I dreaded driving to in the morning. Sunday evenings I went into a terrible funk. A lump would automatically form in my throat at the thought of having to deal with certain people the following day. There is no more miserable feeling than the feeling of entrapment, frustration and disappointment; primarily in oneself. I didn’t want to be in that situation and so I made it my goal to change it. I’m writing this to share with you how fortunate I now feel to really enjoy what I do for a living. But maybe in my writing it, you are reading it because it’ll serve for you as the catalyst that will help you to be a bit more introspective and make you think about your current situation. Or maybe it’ll serve as a reminder as to just how fortunate you are to feel as lucky as I am.

Are you happy at work? Are you happy with what you’re doing? Did you pick the right career? Do you feel you live with a purpose? Do you have something better in mind? Do you have a plan?

So excited about nothing!

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Today was a rather uneventful day but it was a great day! I got a lot done at work. I had the most delicious spinach, blueberry, raspberry, blackberry, goat cheese and walnut salad for lunch. I checked my grade online. I got a 100 on my paper! I wore extra comfy shoes. My best friend made me crack up about our dated hairdos. I made it to my destination on time without interruptions. I had a great conversation with a good friend who seemed happier than usual. I told my little person more than once today that I love her. And now, I’m in bed reading some really great blogs. Life is good. :) Image

Nothing monumental happened today but I’m full of joy and gratitude. I’m a lucky girl! I’m looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings.

What wondrous uneventful thing brought you some joy today?

Things I know little of…

therapistPeople willingly open up to me about their relationships. I’m not sure why. Usually, they’ll start the conversation. They will pour their hearts out even though I never asked. Sometimes I will get a lengthy and winded response to a question as simple as “How is your wife/husband?” It’s a question that I typically ask out of courtesy and respect; not because I genuinely want to know. A simple “Doing very well, thank you” would suffice. However, there are times when even if it is quite obvious from my polite and somewhat dismissive demeanor and disengaging body language, that the person will blatantly disregard my signals and proceed to vent.

I don’t do much to stop or discourage it. Clearly, the person needs to tell someone and every time I let people speak I learn something new about how people relate to each other. Some stories have seemed utterly superfluous and expected. Some stories have been downright shockingly educational. At times, I’m not really sure how to process all that I am being exposed to.  Frankly, there are times when I seriously struggle not to be judgmental. People can be remarkably candid when they sense no judgment and feel that they won’t be stopped no matter what they say. I can feel the sense of relief that the orator is feeling halfway into the conversation with no one pushing the brakes. stop

I have learned that the hearts and lives of people come in as many shades as the wide color spectrum can provide. The lessons I have learned throughout the years about human nature and sexuality have been innumerable. I have always known that love and sexuality aren’t necessarily intertwined. Some of you will ardently oppose my statement. But I’ve never been more keenly aware of it as now. Every day, I learn something new.  Most importantly, I’ve learned there is a unique and intricate relationship for every complex and unique personality out there.

heartSome people are truly happily married and monogamous. Some people are truly happily married and not so monogamous. There are people that are capable of loving their spouse with the full intensity of their heart while caring on a long-term extramarital physical affair. A know a few married couples that prefer to live apart in order to keep the relationship fresh and interesting. As well as unmarried couples that are committed for a life time but have no intention of ever marrying. There are people that feel worthless and completely dysfunctional unless they are always in a relationship whether it be with someone they like or not. I know people that are well into a mature age that have always said they’d never marry and have meant it. Some miserable couples stay together for their children. Some couples don’t realize that they’re point of happiness and communality comes solely from their children until they become empty-nesters. There are a slew of different types of relationships.

In the end, this much I’ve learned from these endless conversations and from personal experience…just becaFunny-Love-Couple-Kissinguse you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with them. Loving someone is completely different from being in love with someone. You can love someone while desiring another. Sex doesn’t equate feelings. The wonderful memory of a past relationship is usually just that; a wonderful memory and nothing more. Move on. Not all men mean exactly what they say and not all women mean to say something other than what they’re actually saying. Of course, all theories are thrown out the window when you’re head over heels in love; no sense, no reason, no rules and no one can get between you. Patience, thoughtfulness and prudence all come in handy when in the inchoate stages of a relationship (I think). I’m no expert; maybe I’m completely wrong.

Other than that…I’ve got nothing more. That’s as much as I know.

Any thoughts?

Uuuugghh…aaaarrrggg…mental constipation!

writers-block2I am frustrated. I have a serious case of Writersblockittis. I have been trying for two days now to write a paper for my World History class  and I have spent the last two nights trying to finish my next blog post. It’s about relationships; not my strong point. I am stuck!

I am trying to be as sensitive as possible. The last thing I want to do is accidentally offend somebody by saying the wrong thing. Anyway, this is where I’m at. Feel free to shoot me some thoughts to motivate and inspire me. I need all the help I can get. Thanks guys!!Image

Blog…don’t preach!

I absolutely love bloggers! And do you want to know why? Because bloggers focus on talking about themselves. They share great stories, interesting experiences, really cool photos, arts and crafts, and delicious recipes. They mind their own. They’ll talk about how they feel, what they’re going through, where they’ve travelled, how intricate a process for love bloggingsomething was or what their hopes and dreams are for the future. But RARELY do I see a post that starts with “Human beings need to be more aware of…”, “If only I could make you understand…”, “One must learn…”, “You should embrace a more reasonable attitude…”

Facebookers on the other hand (I’m not sure that’s an actual term yet), or at least most Facebookers, take it upon themselves to shower us with constant unsolicited life advice wise beyond our years. The irony of it is that usually the people that post these fascinating nuggets of wisdom are typically disappointed with where their lives have led. There is a bit of relief in dispensing noteworthy knowledge. It gives the preacher a false sense of control. I too have been guilty of this at some point in my life. That’s why I can confirm it and therefore, can speak freely. It is because of all this unsought advice that I have temporarily closed my FB account on numerous occasions. I personally have never been the recipient of the advice but it becomes annoying nonetheless. Some Facebookers are persistent if nothing else. One would think that if they saw that a message wasn’t getting through with the first six attempts then there wouldn’t be a need for another six. One would be wrong to think that what is logical for one person is logical for another. I’ve thought about why there seems to be a need to continue unremittingly spewing life advice  and then it dawned on me…

Preach, preach, preach, preach, preach…and with preaching comes an inevitable insurmountable surge of judgment. Alas! We have stumbled upon the real reason for which one provides unsought advice. Preaching is a more subtle way of passing judgment. Offering advice is a more subtle way of preaching.  And no, age does not necessarily make one wiser. JudgmentNeither does it necessarily go hand in hand with wisdom in general. One’s experiences are one’s own. Everyone learns in different ways and will take away from each experience a distinctive message; this is a psychological and sociological fact. No amount of preaching is going to teach anyone how to see or feel about something until they personally live through it. I know many younger folks that are very wise because they have lived and experienced far more than any adult around them. Personally, I’ve still got lots to learn as do most people, including the people posting the life lessons. But I guarantee you; I will not learn them from someone’s status update on Facebook. Put your life advice and lessons on morality to better use by being a little more introspective.

My actual status update on Facebook from about an hour ago:”

“Nothing more exhausting than constantly reading postings about profound life lessons and deep meaningful spiritual riddles on Facebook. Lighten up people. Life happens. No need to incessantly preach about it. It’s a little redundant. :)

I love writing about MY life on my blog. I talk about my experiences and my experiences alone. I can’t speak for anyone else or presume to know what’s best for people or how one should conduct one’s self. I’m not looking to teach anyone anything or influence them in anyway. Life alone will teach us. I just want you to stop by and visit, not take me too seriously and enjoy! keep it loght

Romped thoughts, a camera phone and some tea…

This week proved to be challenging. By sharing my dream in my previous post, I unconsciously subsequently revivified old experiences and sentiments. The more I re-read the dream and its comments, the more I think about Maui. I experienced something in Maui that I had almost entirely forgotten about principally because at the time I kept trying to shake it off. I still struggle now to write about it mostly because of how intimate and private the whole incident was. I thought about it a great deal and the fact that I was not with my baby this week only left me with even more free time on my hands to brood over it further.

Fairmont Hotel - Wailea, Hawaii

Fairmont Hotel – Wailea, Hawaii

I was in Wailea on business. I was a bit jetlagged. As usual, I was having difficulty staying asleep. I couldn’t resist opening all the hotel room glass doors earlier that night right before I went to bed. There was a cool gentle breeze coming off the Pacific Ocean and I wanted it in the room with me. It took me awhile to fall asleep even though I was exhausted from the nine hour trip. I hadn’t slept a wink either on the plane.  Truth be told, I am a poor traveler while in mid air. I love to travel but hate to fly unless I am comfortably inebriated. I hadn’t said much throughout the flight or so I was told by my co-worker. He mentioned that I seemed more pensive than usual. I lied and said I was worried about the bid that we were going to present.

The view from my room.

The view from my room.

While laying in bed, I remembered what I had thought about on the plane. The thought of him always made me uneasy. The thought of him came with everything that his memory stood for and all those feelings briefly sat in my hallowed stomach and heavy heart. I tossed and turned. Then I stopped for a second almost as if to quiet my mind long enough to clearly hear and assimilate my thought. I remember him telling me once that he had lived in Maui for a year. What did it matter now? That was years ago and I wasn’t sure why I was thinking about it. My tossing, turning and falling in and out of sleep was becoming tiresome and I fraught with irritation. I turned face up, kicked the sheets off and looked straight up at the ceiling in a defiant “enough is enough” stance. I was battling my own mind.

I shut my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. I could hear the waves crashing against the beach below overlapping the sound of my deep inhalation. The waves were unhurried and methodical. They seemed almost timed and rhythmic. Suddenly, my mind was calm. I understood then that I should get up. Rather than stay in bed and continue thinking of nonsense, I got up. It was approximately a quarter to five in the morning. The soft breeze blowing into the room was slightly moving the long white curtains. I walked onto one of the balconies; the one in the bedroom. I looked below and the world seemed so restful. I took a few pictures with my cell phone. I wanted to make sure I captured the moment.

Taken right after doing yoga.

Taken right after doing yoga.

Why was my mind so busy when clearly the world around me was at peace? Looking over the hotel grounds and while admiring the ocean I had an epiphany; one that I had had before and had forcibly reminded myself before. “Forgive yourself. Don’t let the guilt or regret creep up on you. Let it go.”

And so, I did some yoga on the living room balcony. Then, I took a quick shower afterwards. Finally, I sat down at the desk and got some work done before my first meeting; all while enjoying a marvelous cup of English Breakfast tea. Life was quickly back to being as it should and I was happy.

Me working on my laptop. This is the very laptop I use to type my posts on my blog! :)

Me working on my laptop. This is the very laptop I use to type my posts on my blog! :)

 

Unexpected but welcomed…

Insomnia and I, we’re kindred spirits. But tonight was a particularly different night. I was jostled by a dream I was making every effort humanly possible to stay asleep long enough to see to the end. I wanted to make sure I wrote it down before I forgot all the details again.Image

It’s a rare recurring dream. I’ve only had it twice before. The first time was shortly after it all ended. The second time was years later. It starts at an exotic location I am completely unfamiliar with but I know it’s home. It’s quiet. It’s remote. I’ve gone there intentionally to be alone. I live in an all glass house with 360 degree views of this breathtaking place. All the glass doors are completely open. I’m sitting on the livingroom floor reading some papers. I’m suddenly distracted. I get up because I can sense something is changing. Like someone has reached the beach. I walk out of the house onto the grassy knoll by the sand’s edge. I can see you in the distance. To my surprise, I am not startled to see you. It’s as if I am always expecting to see you finally find me.

man on beach You’re walking slowly and pensively. You look up at the house. We see spot each other and there is a brief pause almost as if asking for permission to get closer. I’m expressionless but full of elation and expectation. I go back inside the house and sit on the livingroom floor again. Waiting. A bit later you walk up to the porch that wraps around the house and walk through the door directly in front of me. The sunset has rolled in behind you. I can’t see your face but I don’t have to. I know it’s you. We don’t say anything. Nothing needs to be said. There is quiet. There is stillness. There is peace. There is certainty. There is wholeness.  quiet

I close all the glass doors and look out for a minute realizing then that I can finally enjoy the scenery now without always looking for you in the background. You’re here…with me.

I wake up.

Miami Vice!

Miami Vice!

Good morning everyone! Happy marvelous Tuesday. Just getting ready for work and thought I’d take a minute to acknowledge my beautiful city. Proud to be a part of it. I love what it represents and everything in it, my home, my job, my friends, my good times and my baby. Go work, go love what you do, do it proudly and passionately and enjoy your day. Have a wonderful day everyone! Much love!!!

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