Long weekend…

Rapids 1

The view from our cabana at Rapids Water Park.

This weekend was really great. It started off with happy hour on Thursday night with the office. We had to work late and it inadvertently turned into a late night happy hour. It was fun. The more I drink with these people the more I learn about them. They crack me up. We had Friday off as well since we’re doing a bit of remodeling around the office. I took advantage of the time off from work and the fact that my little person was at school and I went to read my International Relations chapter poolside. It was such a beautiful day. In fact, it was gorgeous out. My friend left work early to join me. She had broken up with her boyfriend the night before and was having a tough time dealing with it. I feel so bad for her. I know all too well what that pain is like. I don’t wish it on anyone. Everyone always says that time cures it all. Yes, I believe that but I also believe that some of us are for more affected by that pain in the long term than others. I know so many people that are capable of loving, hurting and moving on to the next romantic adventure as if the pain had never been there. I hope she’s one of those people. I envy those people. I am definitely not one of those people. I recover well and quickly but I have not forgotten what heartache feels like. I’ll do whatever it takes never to subject myself to that again.

Rapids

Rapids – The Wave Pool while calm.

Saturday we went to Rapids up in West Palm Beach aka End of The World. We had a blast! My baby girl had no clue we were going to spend the day there. I surprised her. She was so excited when she noticed the water slides from the parallel road that turned into the parking lot. “Are we going to Rapids?!”, she gasped. “Yes” I replied smugly. I was proud of myself and my great idea. Ha! We got there nice and early so we started the day off with a small crowd of people. The day was absolutely perfect for being out under the sun and for frolicking (love this word; it connotes so much playful innocence) in the water. I rented a small cabana which was honestly a great idea. It provided much needed and scarcely provided shade. It was good to get away to for lunch time as well. We avoided crowds and long lines at the concession stands. It was a good call.

There were a few water slides that my little person wasn’t adventurous enough to ride on; which was fine. I didn’t want her to try it, dread it and then have the rest of the day ruined by the experience. We stuck to the less intimidating slides, the wave pool and the lazy river. Let me tell you about the lazy river. Love it! I could have spent the entire day on one of those floats just letting the current drag me along. All that was desperately needed was a Beefeater and a splash of tonic. ;) Sadly, Rapids does not serve alcohol.  Wish this was mentioned somewhere on their website. Ha!

Gatsby

I love my bedspread.

Yesterday, we spent the day out by the pool. Did a little shopping in the afternoon. Got our nails done and then grabbed a quick bite for dinner and then went home to watch a movie. I started reading “The Great Gatsby”. I couldn’t remember it well from high school and I was praying for a better ending than the one in Leonardo Dicaprio’s version. I finished the book this morning. It’s a very short book; thank God. While the ending was slightly more dignified than the movie version, my frustration remains the same. But this time I remembered more why I hadn’t enjoyed the book the first time around; Fitzgerald’s bombastic and overtly grandiloquent writing style. He strikes me as one of those people that likes to hear himself speak. Ultimately, Gatsby remains foolish bordering on ridiculous and gullible yet my heart still breaks over this character’s irrational optimism and naivety. Poor fool.

Anyway, today is a holiday and the day is young. We are heading out to breakfast and maybe a day at the beach. We shall see. How has your weekend been thus far???

Much love!

A quiet Wednesday night…

Just finished reading my Human Resources chapter. I want to make sure I don’t have to worry over the weekend about any pending reading material for any of my classes. I fully intend to enjoy this long weekend! I’ve got lots of fun stuff planned for us. Now I’m just jotting down some thoughts in my journal and listening to the amazing talent on this season’s The Voice. I actually think Amber Carrington sings this song better than Rhianna.

Yes, I write in a journal. I’ve been keeping a journal sporadically since high school but a lot more consistently in the last five years. There is a real sense of catharsis in scribbling one’s thoughts out on paper. So, tonight’s thoughts…I starting jotting down all of the wonderful characters that I run into at work and work with on a daily basis. I work with some pretty interesting people; some stand out more than others. But today for some reason I was thinking about how truly different we all are and yet, we get along so well. Of course, being the consummate multi-tasker that I am, at the same time I was also making an album of me and my little person. Random and unrelated, I know.  I’ll share a couple of pics with you.

Isa and Me

Bored in the car. Goofing around. April 2013.

I digress. Back to the journal. I’m not the most expressive person so I sincerely use my journal as my venting mechanism. I don’t write about anything particularly important; just my thoughts and feelings. For some reason, whenever I open my journal I always think of the words I heard Oprah say once “I actually have written in my will and testament that when I die, Gail is responsible for burning every single one of my diaries before anyone can get their hands on them.” When I heard her say that, I thought to myself “What a brilliant idea! Oh but wait, I don’t have anyone in my life that I trust; hence the reason for the journal.” LOL! My baby was two at the time so she didn’t count.

Now that my baby is older, I trust her implicitly with my journals, finances, ashes, etc… I truly pray she won’t procrastinate and will be swift to burn every last page before it falls into the wrong hands. Hahaha… A friend once made a comment that resonated with me. He came over to hang out. I had accidentally left out my journal on top of the sofa and only noticed it when I had turned on the TV and went to sit on the sofa. He actually sat right next to it and grabbed the notebook to move it. I politely asked him not to open it. He assured me he would never do such a thing and that in fact, he kept a journal as well. The person that he had been previously married to had invaded his privacy once and read it without his permission. She misconstrued some feelings that he had written about and the damage to the relationship was irreparable. Incredibly, that one incident, was the catalyst for what was ultimately the rupture of their marriage.

Sept 2012

Little sister’s birthday party. September 2012.

Journals are for candidly speaking the truths that only you are able to bear and would never dare share with others. You wouldn’t want your words to be misconstrued. Point being…yes, it’s helpful to keep a journal but definitely make sure you have assigned someone that you trust to burn them all after your death. .. Ha! ;)

Goodnight, much love!

Video

The Great Gatsby: The Great Disappointment

THE GREAT GATSBY

His character was so in love with this ungrateful woman. Aaaarrggg…makes me furious!

For the last couple of weeks, my daughter had been asking me to take her to watch “The Great Gatsby”. I had been procrastinating since I remembered not enjoying the book in highschool. The content was out of my depth at the time. I had no idea then what parties, love, alcohol, heartache and the Prohibition were all about. I remembered thinking Jay Gatsby was a fool. Of course, I had no idea then what love could do to a person. Finally, last night I consented and we went to watch Buz Luhrmann’s rendition of the book.

Now I can appreciate F. Scott Fitzgerald’s cunning and cynical words. Either Mr. Fitzgerald had an uncanny ability to read into the twisted and sometimes dark  human psyche or he must have experienced some excruciating heartache in his lifetime to have been able to conjure up such a tragic love story. How could anyone write such a heart wrenching tragedy? How could F. Scott Fitzgerald have the stomach to create a character so full of innocence and hope such as James Gatz to simply tear him down to such a low point so as not to even have allowed him an honorable death? How could he not have at least allowed him to clear his name before abruptly ending the story?! How????

Gatsby

This was the moment I realized what a phenomenal actor Leonardo Dicaprio is. I actually could feel his agony in this scene. It was difficult to watch.

On several occasions, this movie made me more uncomfortable than I care to admit. The storyline was laden with extremes between naive hope and harsh realities.Gatsby loved Daisy so much that he spent five years trying to build a life that he thought she would appreciate. He practically handed her his heart and soul. While he was concerned only about her happiness and well being, she was solely concerned about keeping up appearances, her status and comfort.

To think that all his hopes and dreams would be shattered by foolish, obsessive and childlike devotion to such a self-centered woman…ugh, so upsetting. I dislike this story more than you can know; especially the heartbreaking ending. Not because love didn’t prevail in the end but because of my disappointment and disgust towards human nature. Ultimately, Daisy was watching out for Daisy. No pretty romance story can change the cruel reality of it. These are the stories that always make me wonder why people insist on wanting to fall in love.

I don’t get it!

The Great Gatsby

Aside

Give me a G ! Give me a L ! Give me an O !

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Hello my lovelies! Just a quick post tonight. I’m sleepy.

Since it’s rather difficult to find people to uplift and support you as opposed to being able to quickly find anyone willing to try and knock you down…I have decided to be my own biggest cheerleader today!

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I am so proud of myself for accomplishing as much as I accomplished today. I love my job and am proud of everything that I was able to get done in the time allotted. I finished up my World History class tonight and KNOW that I did well. I enjoyed it while it lasted. I’m sad to see it go.

May 1st is my ENC 1102 final. I plan to seriously study over the weekend. That’s pretty much it. All is well in my world. My baby is happy, I am happy and the universe is happy will me. That’s all that matters.

ImageThanks to all my true friends (that includes my WordPress friends) that take a minute out of their busy day to encourage me to keep going and to let me know they care. You guys are awesome!

Goodnight all. Much love!

Self therapy…(if there is such a thing)

After I published my post I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about love…well I lied I got so much wonderful feedback that it all got me thinking quite a bit. Clearly, I have a distorted view about being in love; not just loving others. Consequently, I thought maybe I should talk to someone about it. I decided I would try out therapy. I have (like most of us) some issues that I’d like to resolve. The first step is recognizing that maybe I have a somewhat distorted idea of what relationships are about. This is a huge realization because I honestly didn’t think (until now) that there was anything out of the ordinary in the way I perceived it.

I am fully aware that a relationship is about compromise (even though I swear I can identify with the Garfield cartoon on so many levels LOL!), communication and effort from both people. What I struggle with is vulnerability. In reading up about commitment issues, vulnerability seemed to be a hot topic. I have acknowledged my issues. I did some research. I searched for some local psychologists and HOLY COW are they ridiculously expensive! Soooo…there goes that short lived idea.

On to Plan B! Good ol’reliable…my dearest Dr. Brian L. Weiss whom I became obsessed with at the tender age of eighteen after my aunt Luisi recommended I read his book. I read this entire book in one night. I was now a believer in reincarnation and past life regressions. He writes that we carry over into our new lives all of the fears and lessons that we failed to learn in our previous lives. In recognizing those past-life trials and tribulations we have an opportunity to face and fix them today.

Seeing how I am not willing to dish out $260 an hour to talk about my feelings, I thought I’d look him up on YouTube and see if he had any hypnosis sessions posted. And guess what? He does!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTnAqDPBsoY

I tried it out for the first time. The outcome was interesting. Obviously little will come from one “session” but I’ll definitely continue to do it and let you know if I see any results. I’d LOVE for someone to join me so we can compare notes.

Who’s up for a little self-therapy???  ;)

 

Aside

Home away from home…

ImageThis is where all the magic happens! It’s my little sanctuary away from home. It’s my desk at work. As I’ve mentioned before, I love what I do. This little space helps me to focus and concentrate on the task at hand. There is lots to be said about loving your job. We spend anywhere between eight and ten hours a day (some of us even more) at our jobs on a daily basis.

Desk 2 Every morning I start my day with a hot cup of black tea with milk and a bowl of gluten-free Qia with slivered almonds, cranberries and fresh blueberries while I review the tasks list that I created the night before. I’ll then go over any emails that I didn’t have a chance to answer the night before or that morning from home. The rest of the day is usually pretty chaotic. I get interrupted quite a bit to look into unexpected issues throughout the office but it’s to be expected for what I do. It’s par for the course. I don’t mind it.

Desk 3

I swear this depicts me to the tee!

Several factors attribute to whether you can love and appreciate where you work and what you’re working towards. I genuinely admire and respect the people I work for and work with. I work in a very creative environment but what makes it so agreeable is that everyone works together for the purpose of the same goal and outcome. That eliminates the strain that comes with internal competition. Everyone has clearly defined roles. I think that significantly attributes to the uncompetitive atmosphere.

We all know what we need to do and what to do to get it done. When in doubt, there is an entire team to turn to that is readily and willing available to help. Obviously, not all is peachy, rosy and koombaya-ish at all times. There are days that can be quite challenging. Issues do arise. People do disagree and egos flare in the prospect of being wounded. It happens at my office as it does in every office in the world. You know you love your place of work if even after an argument has ensued that remains the one place where you ultimately want to be no matter what.

Desk 4

I borrowed this image from someone’s blog. I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it.

I’ve worked in a place before where I dreaded driving to in the morning. Sunday evenings I went into a terrible funk. A lump would automatically form in my throat at the thought of having to deal with certain people the following day. There is no more miserable feeling than the feeling of entrapment, frustration and disappointment; primarily in oneself. I didn’t want to be in that situation and so I made it my goal to change it. I’m writing this to share with you how fortunate I now feel to really enjoy what I do for a living. But maybe in my writing it, you are reading it because it’ll serve for you as the catalyst that will help you to be a bit more introspective and make you think about your current situation. Or maybe it’ll serve as a reminder as to just how fortunate you are to feel as lucky as I am.

Are you happy at work? Are you happy with what you’re doing? Did you pick the right career? Do you feel you live with a purpose? Do you have something better in mind? Do you have a plan?

So excited about nothing!

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Today was a rather uneventful day but it was a great day! I got a lot done at work. I had the most delicious spinach, blueberry, raspberry, blackberry, goat cheese and walnut salad for lunch. I checked my grade online. I got a 100 on my paper! I wore extra comfy shoes. My best friend made me crack up about our dated hairdos. I made it to my destination on time without interruptions. I had a great conversation with a good friend who seemed happier than usual. I told my little person more than once today that I love her. And now, I’m in bed reading some really great blogs. Life is good. :) Image

Nothing monumental happened today but I’m full of joy and gratitude. I’m a lucky girl! I’m looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings.

What wondrous uneventful thing brought you some joy today?

The little things that make me happy…

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I tend to scribble notes in all my books.

For those of you that don’t know me very well…here is some insight into who and how I am. I work like a mule. I love my job. I take it very seriously. I’m results oriented and I seriously suck at office politics even though my heart is always in the right place. After I work all day, I go to school at night a couple of nights a week. I love school. I love learning new things and feeling like I’m getting closer to my goal. I am a single parent as I am not married, so I raise my little one on my own; though this year I have had more help with her than ever. I suffer horribly from insomnia. The point of this is that I am a busy woman and I get very little rest. And because my world can be somewhat hectic at times, I relish my “ME time”. I’m not much of a talker so I enjoy quiet during my ME Time.

I love to read even though for the past 3 months I have been able to do very little of it. I can repeat novels many times if I love them enough; Mansfield Park and Like Water for Chocolate being a couple of my favorites. I’ve read each at least five times. I never get tired of them.

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I’ve always wanted to be able to sit at this table and join in on the conversation.

I am obsessed with watching The Golden Girls. They show reruns of the episodes on Hallmark channel at midnight. I’m wide awake anyway so I stay up and watch. They also show them on Saturday mornings. It reminds me of my childhood. My mom would make us go to bed by 10 pm on school nights. My older sister and I shared a room and we’d turn off the lights at 10pm on the dot and that’s exactly the time the show started. We’d watched it in the dark at almost an inaudible volume on a miniature turn-dial TV that we could barely see from the distance of our beds. This show comforts me. It reminds me of how safe and at home I felt at that time.

Tea. Tea briTeangs me happiness. Any type of black tea will almost undoubtedly put a smile on my face. I love enjoying a quiet morning cup of tea on the balcony before I get ready for work. I enjoy a good cup of tea while reading other people’s blogs. I love a warm cup of tea while I’m watching a movie. Honestly, is there ever a wrong time for a cup of tea? I think not.

I love staying under the covers on a rainy Sunday and watching some of my absolute favorite romantic comedies. My number one all-time favorite is While You Were Sleeping. But there are so many that I’ve seen a few dozen times that I still watch now and again; You’ve Got Mail, Waitress, Just Like Heaven, New in Town, Woman on Top and Love Actually just to name a few. Waitress movie image Keri Russell

Finally, another little thing that makes me happy is that I do all these ME Time things with my baby. My little person is so well behaved and connected to me that we do all of these together and feel rested afterwards. When I read, she reads. She loves watching The Golden Girls on Saturday mornings with me while we eat breakfast. When I make myself a tea, she serves herself a tall glass of chocolate milk. When I watch movies in bed, she comes running into the room and jumps into bed with me. Such is life. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. It’s the little stuff that counts.

What little stuff makes you happy?

Things I know little of…

therapistPeople willingly open up to me about their relationships. I’m not sure why. Usually, they’ll start the conversation. They will pour their hearts out even though I never asked. Sometimes I will get a lengthy and winded response to a question as simple as “How is your wife/husband?” It’s a question that I typically ask out of courtesy and respect; not because I genuinely want to know. A simple “Doing very well, thank you” would suffice. However, there are times when even if it is quite obvious from my polite and somewhat dismissive demeanor and disengaging body language, that the person will blatantly disregard my signals and proceed to vent.

I don’t do much to stop or discourage it. Clearly, the person needs to tell someone and every time I let people speak I learn something new about how people relate to each other. Some stories have seemed utterly superfluous and expected. Some stories have been downright shockingly educational. At times, I’m not really sure how to process all that I am being exposed to.  Frankly, there are times when I seriously struggle not to be judgmental. People can be remarkably candid when they sense no judgment and feel that they won’t be stopped no matter what they say. I can feel the sense of relief that the orator is feeling halfway into the conversation with no one pushing the brakes. stop

I have learned that the hearts and lives of people come in as many shades as the wide color spectrum can provide. The lessons I have learned throughout the years about human nature and sexuality have been innumerable. I have always known that love and sexuality aren’t necessarily intertwined. Some of you will ardently oppose my statement. But I’ve never been more keenly aware of it as now. Every day, I learn something new.  Most importantly, I’ve learned there is a unique and intricate relationship for every complex and unique personality out there.

heartSome people are truly happily married and monogamous. Some people are truly happily married and not so monogamous. There are people that are capable of loving their spouse with the full intensity of their heart while caring on a long-term extramarital physical affair. A know a few married couples that prefer to live apart in order to keep the relationship fresh and interesting. As well as unmarried couples that are committed for a life time but have no intention of ever marrying. There are people that feel worthless and completely dysfunctional unless they are always in a relationship whether it be with someone they like or not. I know people that are well into a mature age that have always said they’d never marry and have meant it. Some miserable couples stay together for their children. Some couples don’t realize that they’re point of happiness and communality comes solely from their children until they become empty-nesters. There are a slew of different types of relationships.

In the end, this much I’ve learned from these endless conversations and from personal experience…just becaFunny-Love-Couple-Kissinguse you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you want to be with them. Loving someone is completely different from being in love with someone. You can love someone while desiring another. Sex doesn’t equate feelings. The wonderful memory of a past relationship is usually just that; a wonderful memory and nothing more. Move on. Not all men mean exactly what they say and not all women mean to say something other than what they’re actually saying. Of course, all theories are thrown out the window when you’re head over heels in love; no sense, no reason, no rules and no one can get between you. Patience, thoughtfulness and prudence all come in handy when in the inchoate stages of a relationship (I think). I’m no expert; maybe I’m completely wrong.

Other than that…I’ve got nothing more. That’s as much as I know.

Any thoughts?

Blog…don’t preach!

I absolutely love bloggers! And do you want to know why? Because bloggers focus on talking about themselves. They share great stories, interesting experiences, really cool photos, arts and crafts, and delicious recipes. They mind their own. They’ll talk about how they feel, what they’re going through, where they’ve travelled, how intricate a process for love bloggingsomething was or what their hopes and dreams are for the future. But RARELY do I see a post that starts with “Human beings need to be more aware of…”, “If only I could make you understand…”, “One must learn…”, “You should embrace a more reasonable attitude…”

Facebookers on the other hand (I’m not sure that’s an actual term yet), or at least most Facebookers, take it upon themselves to shower us with constant unsolicited life advice wise beyond our years. The irony of it is that usually the people that post these fascinating nuggets of wisdom are typically disappointed with where their lives have led. There is a bit of relief in dispensing noteworthy knowledge. It gives the preacher a false sense of control. I too have been guilty of this at some point in my life. That’s why I can confirm it and therefore, can speak freely. It is because of all this unsought advice that I have temporarily closed my FB account on numerous occasions. I personally have never been the recipient of the advice but it becomes annoying nonetheless. Some Facebookers are persistent if nothing else. One would think that if they saw that a message wasn’t getting through with the first six attempts then there wouldn’t be a need for another six. One would be wrong to think that what is logical for one person is logical for another. I’ve thought about why there seems to be a need to continue unremittingly spewing life advice  and then it dawned on me…

Preach, preach, preach, preach, preach…and with preaching comes an inevitable insurmountable surge of judgment. Alas! We have stumbled upon the real reason for which one provides unsought advice. Preaching is a more subtle way of passing judgment. Offering advice is a more subtle way of preaching.  And no, age does not necessarily make one wiser. JudgmentNeither does it necessarily go hand in hand with wisdom in general. One’s experiences are one’s own. Everyone learns in different ways and will take away from each experience a distinctive message; this is a psychological and sociological fact. No amount of preaching is going to teach anyone how to see or feel about something until they personally live through it. I know many younger folks that are very wise because they have lived and experienced far more than any adult around them. Personally, I’ve still got lots to learn as do most people, including the people posting the life lessons. But I guarantee you; I will not learn them from someone’s status update on Facebook. Put your life advice and lessons on morality to better use by being a little more introspective.

My actual status update on Facebook from about an hour ago:”

“Nothing more exhausting than constantly reading postings about profound life lessons and deep meaningful spiritual riddles on Facebook. Lighten up people. Life happens. No need to incessantly preach about it. It’s a little redundant. :)

I love writing about MY life on my blog. I talk about my experiences and my experiences alone. I can’t speak for anyone else or presume to know what’s best for people or how one should conduct one’s self. I’m not looking to teach anyone anything or influence them in anyway. Life alone will teach us. I just want you to stop by and visit, not take me too seriously and enjoy! keep it loght

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